It is the morning of July 5th and I am writing this after only a few hours of disturbed sleep. Last night the rocket’s red glare and the bombs bursting in the air gave proof through the night that my neighbors had purchased a truckload of illegal fireworks.

In Oregon all the “good” fireworks are not lawful. Basically, if it shoots into the air, it’s a no-go. In the words of a formative movie scene from my childhood, that means, no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis. No lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers. No whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser (I’m sorry, I had to do it.)

Despite the prohibition, every year thousands of Oregonians cross into Washington and Idaho to stock up on pyrotechnic prizes; and every year several fires break out all over the state. The law is disregarded to such a degree that our local police put out a statement this year discouraging people from calling in illegal firework usage.

At about 10pm on the 4th, a haze of sulfur lingered in our neighborhood mingled with an increasing amount of bellowing wood smoke - the overgrown field adjacent to our property was on fire.

The neighbor’s rockets had been carried by the wind and deposited into the waiting brush. My wife and I rushed out with two lengths of garden hose and a fire extinguisher to meet the inferno approaching our property line. Thinking about it now, it must have been a comical sight – a bit like trying to put hell out with a squirt gun.

The fire department arrived, put out the blaze, monitored it for a bit, and then sped off to another one of the ten active fires in our town last night. As soon as the firetruck left, the fireworks started again. As I stepped out on the front porch to go talk to the neighbors about their star-spangled recklessness, a mortar in their driveway blew up about four feet off the ground, singeing the man who lit it. There was a brief panic, some yelling, and tearful hugs among the participants.

I paused on the porch, assuming that starting a brush fire and having his eyebrows cremated would end the fun. It did not. Collecting every shred of cool-headedness I could muster I walked next door. I expressed my concerns to the guy who is renting the house. He just moved in, and we hadn’t gotten a chance to meet. This was not an ideal first contact. He claimed to have been unaware of the brush fire and the amount of smoldering debris that was dropping onto our property. His initial abrasive demeanor, fueled by liquid courage, gave way to normal conversation and body language as we talked. He agreed to stop shooting the propelled rockets off, we shook hands, and I went home.

20 minutes later. ZOOOOOOOM POP! ZOOOOOM! POP POP POP! This went on until just before 1 AM. *sigh* difficult neighbors.

 

What Do I Do With Difficult Neighbors?

1.      Ask What God Is Trying To Teach You

·        This will be key to how you conduct yourself in the confrontation. Much like our family members, we often don’t get to choose who moves in next door. Since God is sovereign and He only acts with purpose (Psalm 115:3, Romans 8:28), believers can rest assured that He has a reason for this particular person’s proximity.

 

·        Maybe there are some character flaws or sinful attitudes He is trying to work out in you; opportunities for patience, mercy, love or even boldness are on the menu and your rotten neighbor is serving them up in abundance [joke]! Certainly, this is part of conforming me to Christ’s image (Romans 8:29). Perhaps my Christian conduct will be used as a witness to this individual (Matthew 5:16). Brothers and sisters, don’t let this difficult neighbor go to waste! This divinely arranged appointment may be for your good, your neighbors good (or condemnation), and God’s Glory!

 

2.      Seek Godliness Over What Feels Good In The Moment

Too many folks in our world are looking for an unnecessary fight. The Christian mindset should be one of godly character in confrontation. Though not an exhaustive list, here are a few scriptures I have been repeating to myself all morning:

 

·        “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1) – I could have absolutely unloaded on my neighbor. I could have berated him in front of his kids, threatened, cussed, put my orange camo crocs into sport mode and had an absolute upper-middle-trash brouhaha – which he, in his intoxicated state, may have happily obliged.

 

But to what end? Would it resolve the problem? Would it show Christlike dignity? Would it lead to more productive conversation down the road? Would it have been a good example to his teens (who were listening on) or my children (who were in bed but would have no doubt asked what happened to daddy’s face this morning). No. The flesh is constantly clawing at us to respond in wickedness. Often, the right response is not the easy one.

 

Choosing not to escalate the situation by acting a fool and running my mouth off is ultimately what was honoring to Christ, even though the fireworks didn’t stop.

 

·        “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18). Sometimes the difficult people in your life simply will not stop being difficult. The Brady Bunch ending doesn’t always happen, and lessons aren’t always learned in the life of the difficult neighbor.

It is important for you to remember what your responsibility as a believer is, that is to honor Christ. The attitude of the peacemaker is to live peaceably, strive for peace, and promote peace to others.

·        “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19). Perhaps this is a “me problem” but I legitimately struggle with retaliatory thoughts. It has been one of the longest standing battles in my Christian life. It is helpful for me to remember that it is not my place to pursue unlawful and wicked means of revenge.

That is not to say that legal means of dealing with problems are off limits. If people are consistently speeding down my street, a legal means of dealing with the issue is to contact the authorities to post an officer, campaign for a speedbump, etc. Illegal means would be ordering a spike strip from Amazon.

I can leave room for God’s justice in big and small conflicts. I can trust that the Lord of all the earth will do right in His timing.  

 

3.      Talk To The Person

·        Though it’s not perfect carryover, I believe there are elements of the Matthew 18:15-17 church discipline process that can be applied here. Does your neighbor’s dog keep making deposits on your lawn? Before calling the authorities, talking to OTHER neighbors, passive-aggressively posting pictures of doggy doodoo in your neighborhood Facebook group, leaving a nasty note on their door, boobytrapping your yard, or building an 8-foot fence, try talking to your difficult neighbor. It just may work.

 

·        The “benefit of grace” says that they may just need friendly contact, a kind face, and a gentle request to stop their wrong behavior or fix the problem. A few years ago, one of our neighbors kindly asked if I could trim back one of our hedges so that she could see the road more easily while pulling out of her driveway. I had no idea it was causing an issue. She made a kind request, and I was happy to trim it back. If I had refused, it would have been right and lawful for her to contact the city to report an obstruction.

 

·        Look for opportunities to show undeserved kindness to them. Wave, greet them, give them holiday cards and cookies, etc. Think about how kind Christ has been to us in all our stupidity. In innumerable acts of unfathomable kindness, He has even supplied people with the very breath that they will use to curse His name. That should give us pause.

 

Conclusion

My difficult neighbor saga has not currently seen any resolution. This morning I picked up 10 burnt fireworks and several pieces of debris from my front yard, looked in amazement at the remaining dozens of pieces on my roof, and then headed off to the office. Maybe your struggle has been going on for years and you are so entrenched in bitterness and hard feelings that you are not sure where to go from here.

Start today. If there have been any wrongs on your part, ask the Lord and your neighbor for forgiveness (keeping in mind that the latter may not receive it well). Remember that this person is an image bearer of God and when you stand before Christ and give an account of your life you don’t want to have to say, “Well, I would have been godlier toward them and had greater concern for their soul if they weren’t always taking up all the street parking! And letting their dog bark all day!”

Even as I write this I am praying for wisdom and a change of heart. Not only for my neighbor but for me as well. This may be an unsatisfying conclusion to the article. After all, I’m trying to figure out if lawful means of dealing with the problem (contacting their property management company, filing a non-emergency police report, etc) is the next appropriate step or if I simply should let it go.   

Who knows what God will do with us. But for as long as we share a fence, I am committing to honor Christ, show kindness, and pray for my difficult neighbor.